Laynee and McKinley: April 2009

As many of you know, Matt and I separated in July of 2008 and our divorced was finalized last month. In conjuction with that, my brother, Garry, who is on a mission for our church in California was living with the McDaniel family. The mother is named Victoria McDaniel and she happens to be a song writer. She recorded some songs with Garry singing and sent them to me on Facebook. We began to chat about what I was going through and I jokingly told her she could write me a song if she ever wanted to. :) She asked me to send some of my journal entries, favorite scriptures and conference talks that had touched me.(Go to the link on this page titled "Janna's favorite quotes/scriptures" and read the older posts to read some of the items I sent her.) In addition to sending what she requested, there was also a night that I was on Facebook and posted "Is this my life?" It had been a really rough day in which I just couldn't believe that my life was my reality instead of some crazy nightmare. She happened to be on Facebook, read what I wrote and incorporated into the song. She is truly talented. The week that my divorce was finalized, she sent me the finished version. I cried listening to it and reading the words. It seemed like she truly knew what I had been through. It couldn't have come at a better time as I was beginning a new chapter of my life. This song is a blessing in my life and will always help me remember what I've learned through this experience. I thought you would all enjoy hearing it and reading the words. (The singer is not me.) Also, if you want to check out some of her other songs go to www.vixlove.blogspot.com. You can also read her description of how the song came to be. She has some recordings of my brother, Garry, singing as well.

This Is My Life
(for Janna)

What if one day you woke up
And the life you knew was gone?
Trust betrayed,
Alone, afraid
All you relied upon.

I thought that I was living
My life in such a way
That hurt and sin
Could never win, and
Pain would never stay.

Is this my life?
All this hurt and broken dreams
Where is the plan?
Why is nothing as it seems?
Is this my life?
How did I get here?
How can I get back again?

Looking through the ruin of the life I used to love
I see pieces of the girl I used to be.
Heavenly Father, if you're listening,
Please help me find my way.
Show me just a glimpse of what life holds for me...

Is this my life?
All this hurt and broken dreams
Where is the plan?
Why is nothing as it seems?
Is this my life?
How did I get here?
How can I get back again?

Kneeling in the darkness,
I can't hear a single sound.
My eyes are searching,
But they cannot see.
Then suddenly the Spirit whispers to my broken heart,
“Jesus suffered even this, for thee.”

Then glowing in the darkness
I can see his plan for me.
Like jewels that glitter brightly
For as far as I can see.

I can leave the dark behind me
As I feel the rush of days
Making strength of every weakness...
Turning anguish into praise.

This is my life
This is where I'm meant to be.
The road is hard,
But I wouldn’t change a thing
This is my life
His precious gift
And it's beautiful to me.

This is my life
This is where I’m meant to be.
The road is hard
But I wouldn’t change a thing
This is my life
His precious gift…

This is my life
This is my life
This is my life…
And it is beautiful to me.